Hey Everyone! Mike Ogilvie here from the Bachelorette Canada. I’ll be answering some of your questions you had about dating. Just know these are entirely my opinion, it may differ for other guys out there! 🙂 For those wondering how I made it onto the show, my friends wife Katie nominated me and after receiving a phone call went through maaaany phases over a 2 month application process to finally receive the call to say I made it.
Alright, Let’s talk dating…
Reader: How can a woman be sure a guy is interested in her? (For more than a night)
Mike: Tough to say right?!? Well, for starters, If every event you are being invited to by John Smith is a party everyone is drinking or gets wasted at, he probably just wants something “one night”. If a guy is interested in a true relationship or wants to actually get to know you, he will exhibit things he would actually do during a relationship. Ex: Go for lunch, walk in the park, dinner and movie theatre, rock climbing, visiting the puppies and kittens at pet land and getting ice cream after lol etc.
If you can tell he is TRYING to be creative in his dates or gifts. If he rearranges his schedule just to spend time with you or sacrifices something whether it be time or something tangible just to be with you, he is more into you than a one nighter. Buying you a gift card to Sephora or whatever that make up place is called is NOT trying. Time is the biggest most important currency in life, if he starts work at 3pm one day but wants to go on a date somewhere for from 12-2:30pm, thats awesome. He likes you. Also not every date has to be super long or end at 12am. I find some of my best dates are during the day or parting ways with a big ol’ hug by 8pm, short and sweet. Also a good sign he is into you.
Reader: What are signs he is NOT into you?
Mike: Let’s face it, people are BUSY these days. But like I said in the previous question, if a guy wants to get to know you, he WILL make it work. He is not into you if you throw out a few dates to hang out and “none of them work”. He’ll make time if he’s interested.
If he isn’t itching to introduce you to his friends, to “show you off”. He should be excited to be with you. If it didn’t make him look like a total nut case, he should want to go on the intercom at a sporting event and yell “Hey everyone! I am on a date with Jane smith!!!” If his texts are short and closed off without reciprocating curiousity YOU: How was the hockey game last night? HIM: It was fun. ……and theeeeeeeen?? come ooooon. If he doesn’t give you a decent answer and doesn’t ask you questions back or phone to talk about it, he is not into you.
Reader: What is the biggest turn off a woman can have/do?
Mike: I think is more of a personal question, one’s answer is in the eye of the beholder kinda thing. For me personally, smoking cigarettes, being a litterbug, extremely high maintenance, negative, unemployed, egocentric, judgmental. Also being on cell phones during a date! Put it away unless you both are looking something up together to answer a question to continue the face to face conversation you are having. That doesn’t mean more bathroom breaks to check your snap chat either, huge turn off. That makes us guys feel worthless when you’re on it when were answering a question or telling you about something were passionate about.
Reader: How can a woman know when it’s okay to trust a guy?
Mike: Trust is paramount but difficult to find it seems. There are many forms of trust, very hard to earn and very easy to lose. For the most part, there is no one thing that would suddenly make you trust a guy. It’s built over time with many smaller gestures and interactions. If you are dating for awhile and you don’t feel like you trust him, turn your eyes inward and ask yourself…. why? Also, it’s okay to have a conversation about it with each other! If it causes a rift between you then maybe he can’t be trusted, personally if it was brought up to me I would take it as a indicator that the girl really likes me and that I haven’t done a good enough job on my end that she is the only girl on my mind. Just don’t bring it up all the time or you’ll become the crazy jealous person in the relationship… add that to the “turnoff” question for me.
Reader: Red flags women should watch for when dating?
Mike: Effort, are they there just to be there? Friends, who does he surround himself with daily? Because that most likely won’t change and if you try to make it change, thats a breeding ground for an unhealthy relationship. That word I had such a hard time with on the Bachelorette Canada. LOOOOOOOOOOVEEEE. Red flag being, if he SAYS it within the first 2 weeks or very early on….to me, maybe not mature enough, maybe a psychopath. *Smeagle voice* my preeeeeccciouuss. On the other hand if you have been dating 2+ years and he hasn’t said “I love you”, uhhhh what? If you asked him why he may say, “does not compute” because he is a robot.
Reader: Do guys like to make the first move or should the woman take charge and set-up dates, make a move etc..?
Mike: Do you know how friggin nice it is when say 4 dates in, a girl says “hey, are you available next saturday night?” ME: yeah, why whats up? SHE: I got us 2 tickets to Eric Church, want to go?! ME: that sound awesome! I’m so pumped wooo! HER: yay!
Now, I barely know who Eric church is nor have I heard his music. Why am I so pumped? Well, because I know she took the time to think of me, set her time aside and plus, she is obviously a huge fan of this artist and I get to see her be passionate and very happy about something. Her reaction is genuine excitement , something I will aim to duplicate as time goes on, I’m learning how. I am also pumped because she wants to spend time with me doing something she loves. I would embrace the date, wear a cowboy hat even and maybe try to learn some lyrics of his most popular songs before hand so I can sing them with her. This will build a connection through mutual effort to open up and learn about each other all while having fun. When the date is over and the next day comes, I probably still won’t like Eric Church, but I had a great adventure with someone I like and I learned a lot about the special girl whom I want to date.
Reader: What is the biggest turn on for guys? (not sexual ha)
Mike: Tooootally person dependent, everything stated in the “what attracts men” question. But down to the foundation of the question. The correct mixture of physical traits and personality traits conducive to that particular guy, glass slipper really.
Reader: What attracts men?
Mike: Again, I have to speak for myself. Let’s see, she would be sociable/outgoing, honourable, fun-loving, hardworking, independent, a good listener, empathetic, caring, passionate, athletic, dedicated, trusting, ambitious, positive.
Reader: How many dates before women should express feelings?
Mike: Depends on the feeling, “like you a lot” vs “love you”. In my experience there was no set amount of dates to say “I love you” but it took me around 7 months I believe, actually she said it first. I was so happy because I was feeling it too but nervous to say it, as things were going so well and I didn’t want to ruin it. She opened up and I could say it back with sincerity and it was a very special moment in my life. I think both people can sense each other feel it after enough time spent together. Hug often, they are so important, you’ll feel the difference in them over time.
Reader: If a guy doesn’t call after the date does that mean he is not interested?
Mike: Absolutely not! We don’t know what the hell were doing haha. Just like expressing feelings, If I contact her too early am I overbearing? If I wait too long will she think I’m not interested? We get confused cause we’re men! You girls make us nervous sometimes 🙂 My best suggestion for taking that pressure off is flat out taking charge. If you want to be called tomorrow or the next day to set up another date, you tell him. HER: I had so much fun, I’m swamped tomorrow, but give me a call Tuesday okay? 🙂 HIM: Okay sounds great! *hug* then he walks to his car and out loud to himself says HIM: THANK GOD, now I don’t have to guess!
However, if he doesn’t contact you at all Tuesday…he isn’t into you. Though a gentlemen would still contact you via text at least and thank you for the previous date but that they don’t want to continue going on dates.
Reader: How do I get a guys attention?
Mike: *****BE YOURSELF***** If you try to “get” guys attention, you may not be advertising the real you. If you are being yourself you will attract guys that like you for who you are. I promise you, you will always be happy this way. I act the exact same whether I’m with a girlfriend, my guy friends, my fire chief, meeting a celebrity etc. They not only identify that quickly but they respect it, just like me being on the Bachelorette Canada. And in the end I’m very happy with myself.
Reader: Can guys really have female friends that are “just” friends?
Mike: haha YES! I am very close friends with my best friends wives as well as a few other single girls. I don’t spend a ton of time with them but we are friends to the end 🙂 – – I just got a new one in fact, Jasmine Lorimer, great person.
Reader: Signs he wants a relationship or he doesn’t —
Mike: How much time is he spending with you 1 on 1? Is everything always group oriented “surface feeling” or sexual? Does he really try to make things work by adjusting his schedule, are you a priority? Is it often that he cancels or has something come up? These answers determine that. I’ll tell you right now, if I want a relationship with a particular girl, it goes back to “time”. I would run on 2-3 hours sleep and go into work the next day if I really liked someone and we were having a great conversation. When sacrifices (even tiny ones) are made, in my opinion thats a sure sign that someone likes or possibly loves someone. It shows care, concern, selflessness and kindness among other things.
All anyone wants in this world, when you scrape to the foundation of our existence is to love and be loved. Together, the rest is easy to work through.
Rock on and Love Strong 🙂